The Wedding Night

The necessity for a bride to undergo purification through a hefsek tahara, seven white days, hafifah and immersion apply even if she is post-menopausal44Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 157:1, Bodei Hashulchan 192:6.. It applies in the case of a divorcee remarrying her husband, even if she is pregnant55Tzemach Tzedek 192:19., and to a bride who is nursing66Bodei Hashulchan 192:5..

When possible, the wedding should be planned for a time when the bride can expect to be pure77The bride and her instructor should ascertain the usual length of her cycle and project, to their best estimation, the best time of the month to plan the wedding.. This enables every part of the wedding ceremony to be fulfilled in its intended form, including the consummation of the marriage88According to the Rambam Hilchos Ishoos 10:6, the chupah is invalid if the bride is in a niddah state, but this is not the final consensus., and prevents other halachic complications.

Nonetheless, one should not be afraid to proceed with the wedding if the bride will be in a state of niddah99Even Haezer 61:2.. In fact, the excitement of the wedding may cause a hormonal change and bring on menstruation unexpectedly, despite careful planning1010Some Rabbis advise the use of birth control pills to ensure a ritually pure status at the wedding. However simple and convenient this procedure may seem, its ramifications are much greater and can lead to problems including secondary fertility, G-d forbid, and long term complications of spotting and bleeding rendering the woman niddah each time. Aside from the possible medical dangers involved in using this drug. These factors must be weighed by an orthodox Rabbi expert in these laws and familiar with the medical aspects. Shiurei Shevet HaLevy on Mehaber 192:4.. (See further, Marriage While Niddah.)

Hefsek Tahara

The bride may perform the hefsek tahara (see Chapter Five) when she feels bleeding has stopped, without waiting the usual five days1111Tzemach Tzedek 196:28, Taz 196:7, Gefen Porioh 11:5. Note Degul Mervava and Pischei Teshuva 196:16 on Shach 196:20.. The reason is that there is no chance of her having had relations directly before her period (see Appendix - Five Minimum Days)1212See Appendix - Five Days where it is explained the reason for the five days before performing the hefsek tahara. Here that reason is not applicable..

If the hymen is intact, the internal examination by cloth will not reach as deeply in the vagina, but the cloth should nevertheless be inserted as much as possible1313Tzemach Tzedek 192:3, 4.. She should similarly insert a moch dochuk as described in Chapter Five1414“A bride, kallah, needs to check herself just as a niddah,” Tzemach Tzedek 192:4.. She should exercise caution, however, not to scrape herself and draw blood. In any event, wiping herself externally does not suffice1515Sidrei Tahara ..

If dryness makes checking difficult she is permitted to moisten the examination cloth with water. It should, however, be squeezed before insertion (as explained in Chapter Five).

Immersion

The bathing and cleansing that is done before the immersion is identical to that of a married woman (Chapter Seven), except that the bride’s hafifah can begin during the evening, and need not begin during the daytime as other women1616The reason requiring beginning during the daytime (see Chapter Seven) does not apply, Nodah Beyehuda..

Also, a married woman should preferably have short hair1717Short hair is much simpler to cover and easier to comb during hafifah. There is also very little chance of knotting this way.; a bride may keep her hair at its usual length for the wedding. This necessitates extra care in ensuring that no hairs are knotted and that all are totally immersed1818A bride will often be accompanied to the mikveh by her mother or a mature friend in addition to the mikveh attendant to ensure that this does not happen..

Every effort should be made so that the mikveh night is the night before the wedding1919Ramo 192:2.. It is customary, however, to allow a gap of up to four days prior to the wedding to immerse2020Ramo 192:2, Tzemach Tzedek 192:5.. For example, if the wedding will take place on a Thursday night, the hefsek tahara may be on Sunday a week and a half before and the immersion may take place on the Sunday night prior to the wedding, but not any earlier.

During the days between her immersion and their marriage, she is to check twice daily, as she does during the seven white days2121Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 157:1, Tzemach Tzedek 192:5..

So too, if she completed the seven white days, yet has not immersed, she should continue to check twice daily2222Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 157:1.. After the fact, however, if she did not complete these checkings she has not invalidated her immersion as long as seven days have not passed without her checking at least once2323Ramo 192:2..

If the seventh white day falls out on the day of the wedding, they should arrange the chupah for a late enough hour to allow her to immerse in the evening before the chupah2424Shach 197:9.. If this is not possible, and the chupah will be in the evening, she may be permitted to immerse in the daytime2525Degul Mervava on Shach 197:9., but only with the qualified advice of an orthodox Rabbi expert in these laws.

Consummation

The first time the husband and wife perform marital relations is called beilos mitzvah. It is preferable, from a halachic perspective, that this is fulfilled the night of the wedding.

The choson should try to complete beilos mitzvah with a complete entry on the wedding night2626Ramo 193:1.. This excludes intercourse through incomplete entry to avoid causing the niddah state2727Ramo 193:1. Sidrei Tahara .. It also rules out avoiding relations for the same reason2828Shach 192:11..

In the event that intercourse is not completed that night, for whatever reason, for example fatigue or nervousness, either the choson or kallah should confide and take counsel with the person who prepared them for the marriage. There is no cause for shyness, and unnecessary confusion and stress can thereby often be avoided.

If the wife is a virgin, they did not complete the act, and she is still permissible, they may have intercourse for the first time on Shabbos, even though it involves hymenal bleeding2929Shulchan Aruch Admur Hazoken 280:3.. In such a case, they should make sure there was a proper yichud before Shabbos3030Shulchan Aruch Admur Hazoken 339:8..

If the wife is not a virgin, they should not have intercourse3131For this reason she is not allowed to go to the mikveh on Friday night, since she is forbidden to have relations for the first time on this night, Ramo 197:2. for the first time on Shabbos or Yom Tov3232Shulchan Aruch Admur Hazoken 339:8.. In the event of its not being performed, an orthodox Rabbi expert in these laws should be consulted as to their status with regards to yichud.

When the bride is a virgin, there is a likelihood that hymenal bleeding will be noticed. Unlike other instances when blood is found during intercourse, on this night the husband continues with the current act of intercourse until its completion3333Mehaber 193:1.. He remains inside until all semen has been ejected and then separates, even though his organ has not lost its erection3434Shach 193:1..

When all semen has been ejected, he separates from his wife and they now behave as when she is in the niddah state3535Mehaber 193:1.. (As explained in Chapter Four.)

No Blood

Even if no blood is discovered, she is nonetheless considered a niddah, provided his entire3636Tzemach Tzedek 193:1. In such a case it is assumed that there was hymenal bleeding, however it became unnoticeable due to its becoming mixed up with the seed, Mehaber 193:1. organ has entered. Furthermore, if he was sure that his entire organ entered during intercourse, even if seed didn’t ejaculate, she enters the niddah state, even if no hymenal bleeding is noticed3737Perhaps a small drop was unnoticed due to its minuscule size, Bodei Hashulchan 193:13..

On the other hand, if there is a doubt in their minds whether his entire organ has entered, she becomes a niddah only if blood is discovered. In other words, blood discovered causes them to observe the laws of separation even if it is questionable whether there was complete entry3838Ramo 193:1..

If there was not a complete entry and his organ slipped out, she is to check herself with a white cloth3939Bodei Hashulchan 193:20.. If the cloth is completely clean, cohabitation is repeated that night if possible; if not, the following night4040Ramo 193:1. if she is still permissible.

A lack of hymenal bleeding, even following full entry, is not uncommon4141Yevomos 59:b. Tzemach Tzedek 193:1. To determine the wife’s status resulting from the first intercourse of marriage if the hymen was previously removed medically or otherwise, see Bodei Hashulchan 193:14..

Leniencies of Hymenal Bleeding

After the couple notice hymenal bleeding, or there was complete entry, and behave according to the laws of separation (Chapter Four) nonetheless he is permitted to continue laying in her bed4242Even if the sheet is soiled with hymenal blood, Tzemach Tzedek 193:3., off course, when she has left it. This is a leniency in relation to niddah times during the rest of their married life, when he is forbidden to do so.

Following hymenal bleeding, the newly married woman is only required to wait four days until attempting to perform the next hefsek tahara. This is a leniency in relation to the hefsek tahara during the rest of their married life, when she is obligated to wait a minimum of five days4343Tzemach Tzedek 193:2..

This leniency concerning hymenal bleeding is not limited to the first intercourse, but includes subsequent hymenal bleeding caused by intercourse, when only a four day waiting period applies before performing a hefsek tahara4444Bodei Hashulchan 193:28 and poskim..

If relations occurred during ben hashmoshos, they are to wait a minimum of five days4545Tzemach Tzedek 193:2..

Of course, if the monthly menstruation appears during the four days, it will be halachically forbidden for her to attempt the hefsek tahara anyway4646Tzemach Tzedek 193:2. There it seems even if it was possible to do the hefsek tahara on the fourth day.. In this case, she is required to wait a minimum of five days before the hefsek tahara. Counting these five days begins from the beilos mitzvah, not from the appearance of menstruation4747Sidrei Tahara , Tzemach Tzedek 193:2..

As long as pain is experienced during intercourse, she is to check herself and the sheets afterwards for any signs of blood. Finding even a minuscule spot renders her niddah. When, however, intercourse has been fulfilled once with no pain, she need not continue checking as above.

At this point she is to check before4848“From the time she prepares herself for relations,” Bodei Hashulchan 186:9, mishnah Niddah 11:a. See Tahara Kehalacha Chapter 23 footnotes 12, 13. “Approximately a half an hour,” Shiurei Shevet HaLevy on Mehaber 186:2. and immediately after intercourse4949Shulchan Aruch Admur Hazoken 186:3. three times. It is best that both examinations are done as deeply and thoroughly as possible5050Bodei Hashulchan 186:12.. If this is difficult, however, she can suffice with wiping before intercourse5151Tahara Kehalacha 23:9.. However, the examination following intercourse must5252Failure to do so invalidates it, Shiurei Shevet HaLevy on 186:2. be done as deeply and thoroughly as possible5353Shulchan Aruch Admur Hazoken 186:6..

The husband likewise checks himself three times following intercourse5454Mehaber 186:2..

Most women have a certain number of days before which their menstruation does not appear—for example, twenty days following the last hefsek tahara. These examinations are to be performed before and after intercourse which occurred after these days5555Mehaber 186:3.. An orthodox Rabbi expert in these laws should be consulted in assessing which days fall into this category5656There are a number of opinions in poskim how these are reckoned..

When they have completed this procedure, and no blood has been found, she needn’t check anymore in relation to intercourse.

Experience shows that hymenal bleeding appearing even several times is not uncommon. This can often be rectified through a gynecological procedure5757Gefen Porioh Chapter 11 endnote 45.. Since undergoing this treatment may halachically5858Lenient opinions include: Igros Moshe Yoreh Deah (1) section 87, Nishmat Avrahom Yoreh Deah 193:2 (note the sources brought there); strict opinions include: Shiurei Shevet HaLevy on Mehaber 193:1, Bodei Hashulchan 193:2. render the wife niddah5959“When bleeding results,” Shiurei Shevet HaLevy on Mehaber 193:1., it is suggested to do it while she is already impure.

Marriage While Niddah

The choson should be told before the chupah if the bride is niddah6060Even Haezer end of Chapter 61..

If the bride is niddah on the wedding night, the choson places the ring on her finger while gently attempting to avoid direct contact6161Darchei Teshuva 195:13, poskim..

In Chapter Four it was explained that it is forbidden for a man to be alone, yichud, with a woman with whom relations are forbidden and the punishment is excision. A man is permitted to be alone with his niddah wife if her niddah state is temporary and the couple has already completed relations at least once.

Therefore, if the wife was forbidden to the husband on the night of the wedding because she had not gone to the mikveh for whatever reason, or even if she was permissible on the wedding night but before they had intercourse she saw blood or a stain, they are forbidden to be alone together in the same room or apartment until she goes to the mikveh and is permissible6262Tzemach Tzedek 192:17..

The custom is to arrange for a boy between seven6363Sidrei Tahara . and nine6464Tzemach Tzedek 192:17. years old to stay with the choson and, similarly, for a girl between seven and nine years old to stay with the bride. This is during the night. During the daytime, either one of these escorts suffices6565Tzemach Tzedek 192:17..

When the wife is niddah the night of the wedding, the laws of separation (Chapter Four) apply until she immerses and becomes permissible.