Innumerous letters from the Rebbe deal with Jewish family purity and marital life1The subject of Shulchan Aruch, Even Ha’ezer.. The following presents only a small sample2These are free translations..
Peace at Home
“...Often such a situation arises due to undesirable intimacy when forbidden according to the Torah. This is often caused by lack in knowledge of all the associated laws.
Therefore they, both the husband and wife, should clarify through an orthodox Rabbi knowledgable in these matters all the details incumbent in observing these laws. And from now on to keep these laws, keeping in mind that “there is nothing which stands in front of one’s will3From a letter dated Iyyar 5726, published in Sharei Halacha Veminhag page 129..”
Fertility
Family Purity. “The channel to receive the Al-mighty’s blessing is behavior on a daily basis in accordance with His will. This is besides the fact that these are incumbent upon us as G-dly commandments. Each and every commandment is connected with a particular merit and force which it evokes.
It is known that the blessing for fertility lies in keeping the laws of family purity. Therefore, it is fitting for you to be exacting in your observance of these laws. Especially since during the course of time it is possible that some of these laws became forgotten and it is important to review them. With blessings that the Al-mighty fulfill all your wishes and waiting for good tidings4From a letter dated Shvat 5742, published in Likutei Sichos vol. 22 page 299. Other directives include the following: “The conduit to merit the birth of a son, based on the verse… is through fulfilling the mitzah of hosting guests, Igros Kodesh XIX, letter 7,330..”
Strengthening Knowledge. “In these situations it is correct to follow the advice of a physician expert in this area, since we are to do whatever is possible according to nature…
However, and this is central, sometimes pregnancy is delayed resulting from lacking sufficient knowledge of the laws of purity.
Therefore, you should clarify through a rabbi who is very familiar with this area all necessary details. Even though being raised with a religious education you have sufficient knowledge, nevertheless it is worthwhile to clarify more, as it says, ‘there is no righteous person who may not have erred5Igros Kodesh XXIII, pg. 9..’
LOVE & FEAR . “It is well known, and published, a particular letter from the Alter Rebbe. He wrote that the merit6Hebrew, segula. which is conducive to fertility is Torah study which evokes love and fear of the Almighty. Specifically, that is chasiduth. Therefore, you should make sure to organize and participate in a study group with some neighbors, at least three times a week. (In other words, three days should not pass without learning chasiduth.) Understandably, one of these three days would be Shabbos7Igros Kodesh VI, letter 1,576..”
Studying Chasidut. “I was pleased to receive your letter informing me about the study session you’ve established with your wife. May it be His will to bless you with success and soon with children; as the funnel to channel this specific blessing is studying chasidut8Igros Kodesh VI, letter 1,686..”
Spreading Chasidut. “… the more you increase spreading and strengthening yiddishkeit in your area -- on which the sages have said …. ‘One who teaches Torah to a child, is as though one had created him (Sanhedrin 19:b).’ Sometimes the reward is to literally bear children and fulfil ‘and you shall teach Torah to your child,’ in addition to the interpretation that child here refers to your student9Igros Kodesh XIV, letter 5,187..”
Baby Boy. “Regarding your desire to conceive a son, I heard from my father in law something which he received by tradition, based on the verse… “bmeh yizkeh naar et orcho…” Psalms 119:9, that the merit to be blessed with a baby boy is through performing the mitzvah of hosting guests.
Of course, that is in addition to generally observing Torah and mitzvos. Though this may presently be satisfactory, there is always room to add since this is connected to the Al-mighty who is infinite.
Regarding Torah study, clearly you should make sure to set aside time to study chasidus….10Igros Kodesh XIX, letter 7,330.”
Baby Boy. In response to your request for a blessing to have a son...
It is worthwhile for you to make additional efforts to increase love for a fellow Jew, for the Torah and for G-d. It’s a known thing that the holy books write that giving ‘birth’ to this spiritual love is a catalyst for one’s wife to give birth to a physical son. From this it’s understood that strengthening our inner love through contemplating on G-d’s greatness (e.g. as the Rambam writes in the beginning of the second chapter of Yesodei haTorah) this will bring longevity and health to one’s own sons for many years to come. Therefore, you should decide, without the commitment of an oath, that until your wife gives birth to a son you will give a few coins to charity before the morning prayers. It is best if this charity is directed to helping feed students who have little financial means11Igros Kodesh Kislev 5713..
MEDICINE & TORAH . “The Torah directive is well known, that although the Almighty is the ruler and creator, nonetheless we are to make efforts in the physical realm as well. As the sages said, ‘the Torah empowered physicians to heal. Therefore, you and your husband should undergo another medical assessment through a physician who is expert in this field, and follow his advice.
Understandably, together with the above you should both add to Torah observance, particularly family purity, modesty, giving charity and praying to He who gave the Torah to fulfil this most worthy desire12Igros Kodesh XIV, letter 5,157. This letter’s request was for fertility..”
Health of Children
“Through the mitzvah of niddah, purity and immersion, given to the Jewish woman, holiness and purity is brought into the family life.
Living in accordance with the laws of family purity a husband and wife merit happy, healthy children—healthy in body and soul, following the Torah’s ways, bringing true joy and pride to their parents13From a letter published in Likutei Sichos vol. 2 page 580..”
Spreading Jewish Family Purity
Education. “I was pleased to receive your letter of December 17th with the good news regarding your finishing the new modern mikveh building....
May it be His will that with the building’s completion and dedication will come a renewed effort in the true work, namely educating Jewish women toward fulfilling the laws of family purity, according to the letter of the law, in all homes, including those in your camp.
It is a known saying, ‘Purity brings... holiness... which brings chasidus... which brings ruach hakodesh14Avodah Zorah 20:b..’ With blessings that you and all the house of Israel should merit: ‘I will sprinkle on you the waters of purity and you will thereby become pure... I will then give of My spirit to you, you will be My nation and I will be your G-d,’ with the coming of Moshiach quickly in our days15From a letter dated Tevas 5717, published in Igros Kodesh vol. 14 page 307..”
Life Saving. Regarding spreading observance of family purity, please keep this in mind. Imagine that the Almighty gave you the opportunity to save an entire city of Jews from destruction, G-d forbid. Surely you would jump at the chance to do so, and be grateful for the enormous merit which had befallen you.
Promoting observance of these laws is this, and much more. It is literally saving lives16Yom Yom Nissan 10..
Women at the Forefront. It is the responsibility of all chasidic women to lead the way strengthening everything related to Torah and mitzvos in general, and specifically observance of family purity. They are the ones who should organise groups to shore up our adherence to a chasidic education and way of life, as it has always been in chasidic homes17Yom Yom Shevat 21..
Family Purity and the Redemption
“...The Exodus from Egypt is the model for the coming redemption which is based on it. Regarding the Exodus it is stated, ‘In the merit of the righteous women in that generation the entire Jewish nation was redeemed18Sota 11:b..’ So too is the coming redemption dependent on the commandments of the Jewish women.
These three main commandments were given specifically to Jewish women—Shabbos and Yom Tov candle lighting, challah (kosher food), and family purity.
These are all connected to basic human needs, and are conceptually connected also to the G-dly service of non-Jews as far as their mission to “habitate” the world is concerned: Light, food and family life.
The Jewish woman’s job, however, is to accomplish these three mitzvahs in accordance with Jewish directives. Candle lighting is connected with Shabbos and Yom Tov, challah is connected to kosher food and family life to the laws of purity.
This is in preparation for that time when the physical world itself becomes purified and ‘All flesh will see that all is from His mouth19Likutei Sichos vol. 20 page 227..’”